By clothing-bag, 15/04/2022

What should Telecinco do with 'Survivors' so that people stop saying the “tongo” thing? Jorge Javier killed the conspiracy

It's like with the fanny packs: they're horrible, but they're back. Last night many viewers (at 1:40 PM TONGAZO was a Trending Topic on Twitter with 7,600 tweets) were pissed off because Olga Moreno was saved, and Tom was expelled. And today everything that happens in Telecinco that we don't like is resolved by singing a “Tongo”. ¿Qué debería hacer Telecinco con ‘Supervivientes’ para que la gente deje de decir lo de “tongo”? Jorge Javier se cargó la conspiranoia ¿Qué debería hacer Telecinco con ‘Supervivientes’ para que la gente deje de decir lo de “tongo”? Jorge Javier se cargó la conspiranoia

It's like the pediatricians, who take you a child with a dangling leg and an alligator still biting him and he tells you that it's a stomach virus, that he's going home. Tongo is the new black, it goes with everything.

And if someone likes you like hell and is winning, well anger can and you tend to the easy explanation: the tongo. And hey, there were times when there were signs, but not always and not everything.

Let's go with some ideas to avoid this.

In the first place, in no contest are workers or relatives of the company allowed to compete, so that there are no suspicions or the possibility of cheating. But in Telecinco's realities there are more relatives than in a wedding, dammit. And of course, people are suspicious.

And you kick out AD and bring in OM, who didn't even know her at her house and it's not uncommon to think that it's deferred compensation. It is that that relay was like in wrestling, that they lacked a slap when they came out.

Nor does it help much that Olga herself picks up and dedicates herself to giving thanks "to the senior officials, who already know why." Damn, talk to the contestants (they do the same thing) and tell them not to talk about the outside, or the mechanics, or the ins and outs, or the contest... To say thank you for getting gigs, the representatives are already here.

In tests be HYPERSCRUPULOUS. To sack, that there is no doubt. That the rules and judges of the Olympics seem like a casual thing between friends next to your tests.

Give explanations. The ones that are needed. If there are doubts and the presenter on top gets cooler than Dirty Harry in Fornite, he doesn't help at all. Let's see guys, this is for this, for this and for this, it works like this, blah, blah. And from there whoever doesn't believe, it's their problem.

Example of things well done: To conjure up the theories that JJV was not in the final to avoid vetoes from Olga or AD, since it stood up, for the first time, with the contestants in the Mediaset parking lot (if Sol@ taught us anything s is that any site or corner of Mediaset is likely to be converted into a set) That is not like it would have gone to Honduras, but something is something.

And with that said, here are some laughable episodes of the gala.

JJV was wearing… ANOTHER FUCKING WHITE JACKET. I have no doubt that they look very handsome in the dressing room, but at home they look as if they are wearing the torso of the Olaf doll. When god said “let there be light” he was thinking of the JJV jacket.

The thing started with Tom and Olga on the helicopter. Tom was shirtless, because to go by helicopter is the best. Of course, since the seats were made of leather, they then had to take them off like the paper of a cupcake. There are fighter pilots who wear their underpants.

The helicopter comes around and around. I only say one thing: right next to Mediaset there is an Anti-Aircraft Artillery barracks. And a helicopter going around is a lot of temptation for those people.

To return to Honduras, the contestants have come in a very luxurious plane, where the individual cabins were much larger than most of the flats in Madrid. They were fed some menus with which you raise 30 pigs from January to December.

Olga took the opportunity to order wine, more wine, because it was free, of course. It is more than possible that now the plane lacks food, a wheel, two seats and a pilot.

Lara entered the set. She was very pretty, what happened is that she had been given a black dress with phosphor yellow colors that now in cars you have to wear a Lara Álvarez to signal accidents.

¿Qué debería hacer Telecinco con ‘Supervivientes’ para que la gente deje de decir lo de “tongo”? Jorge Javier se cargó la conspiranoia

"Oh, we touched," JJV said as they shook hands. Oh, we touched, as Josefina said to Napoleon on her wedding night.

"What does it mean to see these contestants, you who have seen them in a filthy way?" JJV asked him about the former contestants who were on set, as if they had been taken off the street and were in rehabilitation. You who have seen them eaten shit, who approached a leprous goat and made the goat gag, what do you think Lara, huh, huh? And so.

Lara told us how her last days in Honduras had been. "I took my time to say goodbye to the corners of the keys and sat on a swing to think." Fuck. Lara and I are made for each other. I also sit on swings to think. Then the mothers of the children start to look at me badly and I leave the playground.

"After seven years it was like finding the missing puzzle piece to make sense of all this," explained Lara, who has been making us think for seven years that she was presenting a reality show and was actually solving a mystery.

Didn't it sound a bit like a farewell to you, at the end of the cycle? um…

JJV told us one of his vital anecdotes, of those events that would make Ernest Hemingway feel like an inexperienced loser.

"As a young man in Granada... a gypsy took my hand, looked at me and told me not to marry you", narrated JJV. Damn the gypsy, it was the beta version of Grindr.

Canales began to read JJV's palm, because he doesn't go to the set, he goes to the exoteric fair, because they have already read his ass, his hand, his spleen, his pylorus... The thing is, how was Master Joao on set that was a clear example of professional intrusion.

"I'm going to tell you something nice... you have puppies," said Canales. What a shit palm reading. Canales has the same divinatory ability as my right ball, which is very intuitive, but it doesn't get much right.

– (My goodness, in the lines it says that he is going to die in two minutes crushed by an industrial machine…) I am going to tell you something nice.

And so.

“A love is going to come out soon, a love that will last you forever“, Canals ended up saying. As long as it's not self-love... Not even JJV himself believed it. Canales was the one who told Felipe II that without a problem, that the Invincible Armada wanted him.

Video: The contestants left the island on a raft to which they had put a piece of torn sheet as a sail. You go up to Colón there and it doesn't leave the port.

They were given a cenote when they got to the hotel and Melyssa ate with her hands and Gianmarco wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. They have gone wild very fast. I was surprised that they didn't scratch behind their ear with their back paw.

“I can keep this for myself, right?” Olga said and she kept a muffin. You shake this woman and she brings more food than my grandmother's pantry. The waiters freaked out because they went after dinner to collect things and the table was not there. Olga wore a surprisingly square neckline.

Gianmarco, Melyssa and Lola in another helicopter. The sun had risen again. Yesterday the sun was like yes no. Because one more year they have had to record the helicopter before the gala, because civil aviation does not allow them to fly at night. It put up a huge sign that said HELICOPTER DIRECT. Damn, don't put up the sign that nothing happens.

"Be careful, you're landing, get ready, get ready!", JJV told them as if they were going to give the host of the century. I play JJV next door on a flight and I change seats. THE TAXI, THE TAXI IS COMING, IT'S GOING TO STOP OR MY GOD, IT'S GOING TO STOP AND WE'LL GET OFF AND NOTHING ELSE WILL HAPPEN, PRAY WHAT YOU KNOW!!

They have been 101 days. It has been the longest edition in the entire history of Survivors, in all editions of all countries. In days, the longest edition, in Olga, the longest hands.

JJV asked Gianmarco for a lock of hair to “keep it between my books”. Never open a book at JJV's house. Who knows what else he has asked for there. JJV has a library that you open all the books and you can mount a person.

The sign went up in glamor and read DIRECT PARKING. In the next block I expected him to put DIRECT CLEANING ROOM. The man who puts the signs lives obsessed with the direct ones.

– DIRECT NAIL CUTTING.

– Paco, stop now and don't do that in bed.

And so.

The gala was a succession of "special moments", "special farewells", "special speeches", "my special balls I'm dying of special disgust and that they cut my special veins that it is one in the morning special and nothing happens here special".

I don't know how many videos they put saying goodbye to things and places. Goodbyes made such an impression on me that now I fart and say goodbye crying while I see how the wind blows it away.

"We have been living in paradise but because of hunger you don't realize where you were," said Lola. There are people who live in the suburbs of Soweto who actually live in Dubai, but they are on a diet and don't know it.

Olga's defender was dressed in chain mail. She was as if she had caught him in battle sleeping in her panties and she had to put on the armor very quickly.

"Thanks for playing with me," JJV told him. And she very motivated replied: "ALWAYS!... what have we played?". Fuck this woman. I want her in my life. Why do we love each other? No, to have a laugh.

JJV told why she will not be in the final on Friday, to avoid weird theories. "On Friday I won't be able to because I will be in Barcelona representing my work in Barcelona, ​​a commitment already made long before." JJV was born and tickets started to be sold for this Friday.

"Let's not give rise to conspiracy theories that the Flores family has vetoed me," Sobera asked. Fuck with the flowers family, they get in their balls and they veto Paolo Vasile.

Carlos Sobera is going to do it. LIVE!

STRAIGHT:

Tom and Olga were in the parking lot, like supermarket carts. Tom was crying. Supermarket carts have more mettle than him.

He gave him a live anxiety attack, because he was very nervous about being sent off. That wasn't an anxiety attack, it was an anxiety siege and kill assault.

"I'm not feeling well," he said and sat down in the parking lot, as if instead of the Mediaset car park it was that of a nightclub on the bakalao route.

"I like to see him cry because he lacks many tears, he has saved many," said Joao on set, crying, because he also lacks tears. The camels grew humps from holding back tears. Joao also ended up drinking water. These people are like the cistern of a castle.

"I'm going to look in my bag to see if I have a flask," Olga's defender said on set to give Joao a drink and get over his disgust. This lady solves it all with Jägermeister. There are people who put on Pfizer, Moderna, Jensen… Olga's defender put on DYC.

And she went to Tom Street and Olga was saved. At times like these it pisses me off not having a gas oven so I can turn it on and stick my head inside it.

Tom threw himself into Lara's arms to cry and filled her boobs with mucus and tears. That's why Lara's dress was neoprene, so she could clean it with a hose.

Melyssa's frightened face was anthological. Nobody believed it there. How are people going to believe it?

Tom, looking in the mirror for the first time after leaving the island: "I had these huge twins and they're gone," he said. Yes, of course, like cooked hams they were.

"Have you lost weight or not, have you lost weight?" He asked his penis. Hopefully a sharp little voice coming out of the bathing suit answering him. What Tom sees when he looks inside his underwear:

Leader test.

In the parking lot they had set up a test area. Mediaset workers have been parking in Badajoz all week.

It consisted of taking some balls and balancing them on a candlestick, while balancing on a structure. You didn't know if it was a test for Survivors or a casting for Cirque du Soleil.

Melyssa and Gianmarco were the first.

The test was fast-paced: people putting balls in some pipes. In Mediaset next time instead of throwing the World Cup they are going to throw the Candelabring World Cup.

Gianmarco's balls fell to the ground. Literally. Melyssa had them on well and they didn't move from her place.

Second round. Lola dropped the ball at the first opportunity, giving Olga the game. Lola got pissed off and sent the fucking chandelier to hell. She smashed him to the ground. Lola throws Hulk and kills him.

– The test consists of holding sticks of dynamite… Lola, you don't play.

And so

And the last round left… MELYSSA LEADER!!! BIEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

"I'm glad, because that way I don't have to be voting and I save money," said Melyssa's mother, who is very practical and Portuguese and only pays her tolls there.

Olga met a cousin and a niece. They told her "don't change, don't change", as if Olga were a Pokemon and she could evolve.

Tom arrived on set. It's not like he came from far away either, from the parking lot. Everything comes from the car park in Telecinco. In Telecinco the children do not come from Paris, they come from Plaza 7A.

Tom was saved by the safety distance, because JJV threw the tackle at him that if he is a little closer he takes out an eye.

They put on ratty music and Tom began to dance and encourage the public to do so, like a free time monitor in a Benidorm nursing home.

"I have connected with my heart, before I connected more with something else," said Tom, who has a special relationship with his penis. She once tried to marry him, but they told her that the family book was going to be weird and of course, she couldn't.

AND OLGA NOMINATED FROM THE GROUP. And Melyssa as leader had to choose who she nominated and she cracked the nomination to Lola.

WILL WE GET OLGA TO FIRE?

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